A question that I constantly grapple with is, “how can people be so cruel to children?” Children are innocent, unknowing, and incapable, not because of their ages, but because of their development. A child’s development, both physically and emotionally, requires the adults around them to guide them in a way that is loving, validating, and supportive of their growth.
But what happens when the adults raising the children haven’t been raised with love, gentleness, and reassurance? What happens when child maltreatment and violence is so normalized that it lends itself to tradition turned culture? How do we change the narrative?
Historically, the narrative around raising children has centered parental power. Authority. Subservience. Children are to be seen and not heard. To do what they’re told or suffer the consequences. Spare the rod and spoil the child, right? Essentially, children have neither identity nor authority beyond what their parents or caregivers allow. Children are property, not people. This belief isn’t new. It is intergenerational.
As we learn more about mental health and child development, specifically brain development, we get a more vivid picture of how our perceptions of children and their needs have been tragically wrong. Our experiences, both good and bad, shape everything we are. The lifelong implications of child maltreatment are irrefutable because our brains and bodies never forget.
As I always say, children eventually grow up. Yes, the cycle continues, but we have an opportunity to cycle in a different direction.